It's so dry. I walked to an empty water hole today. It hasn't rained in months. I yearn to feel moist air.
freedom in a field of wheat
his mouth is cleaner than mine?
desert in black and white
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Had an amazing dream last night. I touched Mars. I can't begin to explain the emotions that ran through me and what an exhilarating experience it was.
We heard that Mars was going to be its "closest" to the Earth that it had been in hundreds of years- that it would be the size of the moon- that it would be marvelous. Though it may have been a hoax in "reality" - in my version of the real- it happened.
My roommates and I went outside to see the phenomenon, I was skeptical. Then as we stared up hopefully at the night sky, the moon glowed and slowly a giant red sphere unraveled itself from behind the Moon's glory. Mars was huge, and it had come out to play. It was the size of a rising moon, seeming huge to that naked eye. We were in awe. My roommates quickly ran to get a pen and paper to write down their perception of this beauty, I yearned to get my camera but did not want to miss one second of this magnificent feeling, knowing well that my tool could never truly capture a moment like this. All of a sudden, the world dropped away from around us. It was only us, surrounded entirely by the Moon and Mars. They were gigantic, a planet- only 5 feet away from you. The world around us become dark and we glowed from the surface of the Moon, the stars shown brightly from far away, glimmering in the mystical darkness. Mars was a deep red. A weathered red like the core of the earth, like decayed lava, like the desert clay covering Moab, Utah. I felt every crevice, gazed into every crater, felt the lines of it's skin and nestled my hands into the wet soil and burning hot embers. Flowers grew on Mars! A little pink patch of wildflowers, with green stems and rosy petals, and yarrow and fern! I grabbed at each leaf, taking pieces of the land for a memory. I felt the soft fur of the leaves. I held on and Mars continued to revolve. My hands guiding it back to it's path, back to its home behind the Moon. The Moon was grand as well. Each dent and shadow of its glow so visible. It watched down on us as we bathed in it's nurturing light. We were in awe. There were no words to describe this feeling. To feel connected. To feel loved. To feel so inspired to your utmost breaking point, like you are about to spill open from all of the emotions encapsulated in your body, swimming out through your pours and pumping through your veins. Intense. Mars continued on his revelation around us and creaked slowly back behind its Mother- the Moon. The whole experience though meaningful as a lifetime, lasted only a minute. Our transcendent space world melted away and we returned home. Crazed thoughts and feelings dancing through our head, excited us to be alive and what's to come.
It makes me want to be an astronaut.
at 11:32 PM
Friday, August 24, 2007
Years ago, one of my best friends, Precious, and I decided we were going to play rugby. We were the first girls "tough enough" to play on the Maryland Exiles rugby team. Sometime after that, two girls showed up to practice- Christine Maier and Rosemary Sharpe. They said that they too wanted to play Exiles rugby. Hesitant at first, their giggly personalities and quickness grew into all of our hearts. This began a great friendship that all of the Exiles shared with one another. Playing rugby was one of my favorite experiences yet in my life. The Exiles team affected who I am as a person deeply and the friendships that have formed with those teammates will forever be a blessing to me.
A couple of days ago I received a voice message from my friend Precious while I was at work-
Christine is dead.
Only 19 years old, Christine passed away in a house fire sometime in the early morning hours on August 18. She died with her boyfriend Kennedy Fitzgerald and his sister Maggie Fitzgerald. Rosemary was there too. The flames were too big and the girls voices could only reach so far. Two friends jumped out of a window, two others ran out the front door. Kennedy and Christine had gone upstairs to watch a movie a while before, Maggie had just returned from a concert. Perhaps Christine slept peacefully through it all. I hope so. Or was she awake? Did she know what was going to happen to her that night? I can't get the image out of my head. Being burnt alive. What an awful way to die. She was such a beautiful, amazing human being. Christine was one of those people who was just happy, she always had a smile on her face, she had dreams and aspirations, she had friends and family who loved her deeply. It seems so strange that this was her time. She is a beautiful soul.
Since that fateful day I have thought about it alot. I think of how hard this must be for Rosemary, her best friend in all the world. How hard it must be for her brothers and sisters and parents. It doesn't seem like a reality. Like it is just some dream. I think it is the way she dies that hurts the most. Now only her ash and memories remain. There is nobody to say goodbye to. I can only hope she is able to see how many people cared deeply for her and how much she will be missed. She's probably smiling down on us right now.
an image from a journal I made for the family- full of fond memories.
(i did not take these photos)
at 1:06 AM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Change is in the air.
Watching the tides roll in and out to sea, thinking about the future. How much will change and what will stay the same? The possibilities! Excitement. Fear. Hope. Anticipation. To remember to enjoy the moment for it is always on the brink of changing yet again. Yearning for stability and wanting the life unstable. Unsure. Desire. The need to flow like water, to go with the wind and the tides- with the birds in the sky and the fish in the sea. To move forward when you might not be ready. To go for the sake of love. To change for the sake of change. God only knows what will happen tomorrow! Remembering to keep a blissful outlook on each moment and be able to fall in love every day. Find inspiration in the mundane. To not think anything is mundane. Laughter when it hurts. To feel before thinking and act before questioning. To hold it inside just to let it all out. To feel the change amidst the chaos of everything and be able to enjoy. Dream of what is to come and create the future.
fly like color
swirls of ocean
a friend in the night
two trees and a car
at 10:23 PM
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Emote your emotions. Feel your feelings. This is that.
Pull a couple images together to feel a harmony and think about good times.
Across the farm
One Cup Every Morning
Crossing of Blue
a Deep Breath
the Texture of Beauty
at 10:44 PM